WHY LISTENING IS IMPORTANT

Have you ever wondered if you are a good listener? Did you know that the average person listens with only about 25% efficiency? (Effective Listening, 2007) A recent study revealed that less than two percent of people have had any formal education on how to listen. These numbers may be due to the assumption that most of us may have when it comes to evaluating our own listening skills (Effective Listening, 2007). I would like to share with you my own experience that taught me the hard way how easy it is to misinterpret someone’s message when you are not listening.  

It was when I was in my last year of high school. Everyone was getting out of their classes for lunch break, and I was supposed to meet up with my friends to go out for lunch. I was on my way to my locker with my headphones in my ears listening to music when the janitor stopped me and said what I thought was “close the door”. I continued to keep walking and didn’t even acknowledge him. It was at this moment, I saw all my friends waving at me from across the hall. They were heading out and one of my buddies yelled my name and gestured me to move faster with their hands. I took off at a running pace and the next thing I remember, were my feet briefly flailing in the air as I landed with a very hard thud right on my backside. It turns out the janitor was actually saying “careful wet floor”. Think about it, I was a high school kid, everyone was watching. Suffice to say, I was scarred for life. Luckily, I had great friends and they only teased me for the rest of the school year.

It was only when I started to study the techniques of how to actually listen, did I realize how important it is for communication. In order to avoid a similar fate as mine, I want to share with you the keys to building powerful listening skills.  Lend me your ears fellow bloggers and ask yourself, are you ready to listen?

 

CONTROL THE LISTENING ENVIRONMENT

In this blog, I will be talking to you about being able to control the listening environment.  Distractions as road blocks (Distractions As Road Blocks, 2002) to listening, is an important concept to understand.   In order to be fully attentive to what message the speaker is attempting to convey, we as listeners (Listening Skills, 2009) must avoid internal and external distractions.  Do you remember my personal experience?  If I had for example, taken the headphones out my ears and made the effort physically to stand across from the janitor to listen to him, perhaps my whole ordeal could have been avoided. 

In order to understand how you can control your environment, let’s examine what the difference is between internal and external distraction.  Internal distractions are questions about your thought process, and whether or not you are having competing thoughts.  As I was walking to my locker for example, my mind was preoccupied with when I was going to meet my friends for lunch and I wasn't exactly keen on listening to the janitor. 

As a listener we need to learn to channel our focus internally to focus on what is being said by the speaker which in my case, was the janitor. Asking yourself questions about what are your surroundings like and whether or not it is the appropriate atmosphere for the conversation, is an example of finding ways to solve an external distraction.  Most of all, its really important to be emotionally available in order to listen to the speaker. I didn't even allow the janitor to engage in a conversation with me since I was more focused on my grumbling belly at lunch time. Stay tuned to find out more about building powerful listening skills and please let me know, what's your most embarrassing experience you have had with an external or internal distraction.    




   
  

WORK HARD AT LISTENING

Another really important key to building powerful listening skills, is to work hard at listening.  Now, some of you may be wondering, what is she talking about?  When I say working hard at listening, I mean getting yourself actively involved as a listener.  For instance, if someone is talking to you, as a listener you can be actively involved by your eye contact, understanding the use of body language, and tone. 

In order to grasp these concepts further, let’s apply the techniques to working hard at listening to my embarrassing little experience of falling on my behind when I was in high school.  When I was approached by the janitor to warn me of the wet floor, I should have focused on what he was saying to me by making eye contact and actually stopping to listen.  His body language and hand gestures were telling me it was important for me to listen (although I didn’t, which resulted in a nice big bruise on my bottom). As the listener, you should be aware of how the speaker is using their body language and ask yourself whether or not what they were contradicting what they are saying. If I had taken the time to take out my headphones from my ears, I would have been able to hear the janitor’s tone of urgency and importance.  Remember the tone sets the mood of the conversation, so be aware when it’s your turn to talk that you keep in mind your own tone, body language, and consistent eye contact.  As a listener, attempt to listen to what the feelings and meanings are behind the words and don't just hear, listen to what is being said. 

Sounds pretty easy right?  If you want to have stronger communication skills for both your personal and professional lives, stay tuned for more techniques on how to build powerful listening skills. 

For more information and insight on how to become actively involved as a listener, check out a YouTube video by Emeroy Bernardo from Emeroy TV:

IDENTIFY THE IMPORTANT FACTS

Have you ever been in a situation where someone is speaking to you and you are not really focusing on what they are saying,  and in midsentence they stop and look at you and ask you “Do you understand what I am saying?” BUSTED. In order to avoid being in this awkward situation, I would like to share with you yet another key in building powerful listening skills. It is really all about identifying the important facts.  Mr. Janitor had important information for me, and I wish I had listened to him and so does my backside. Had I engaged in a conversation with him, I would have focused on what he was saying regardless if he made small talk with me.  I would have picked out the crucial points in the conversation and mentally prioritized what message he was trying to portray.  If we remember our roles as a listener, we are actively involved not only with our eye contact and use of body language and tone, but also with how focused we are on identifying important facts. 
 
Do you think this technique will help you build stronger listening skills? Comment below and let me know. 

Check it out and let me know what you think: 

Interesting YouTube video by Julian Treasure on TED Talks TV about 5 techniques to focus your listening skills:   

STOP TALKING AND LISTEN

Does this sound familiar? “You never let me finish what I am trying to say”.  How many times have you found yourself in a conversation that ended up in a fight or an argument?  Many times, we are not really listening to what the speaker is saying because we are not following one simple tip, avoid interrupting. Interrupting is one of the biggest problems in attempting to convey a message.

From a listener’s point of view, we need to be more aware of our body language, practicing our manners, and not disrupting a train of thought.  What I mean by body language, are the non-verbal cues we are giving to the speaker.  If you remember, I simply nodded at the janitor as I walked on without making eye contact. I basically let him know I wasn’t really engaged in the conversation.  I didn’t practice my manners because not only did I not engage in the conversation, I walked away from him when he was speaking to me. 

Now that I look back on it, I was a bit rude and most likely interrupted his train of thought.  Part of me thinks maybe the reason why he didn’t come running to my aid as I started to run, was because I didn’t listen to him when he was trying to help me.

 
Can you recall when you put yourself in hot water because you interrupted a conversation? Let me know and share your comments below.  

Just a reminder that animals can also interrupt conversations or in this YouTube video, news reporters.  This video by animals xD titled Animals interrupting news funny animal compilation posted above, is just for fun so enjoy. 

PARAPHRASE TO INCREASE UNDERSTANDING

Think about your everyday conversations on both a personal and professional front.  One of the main things we forget to do as listeners, is to ask for clarity of the message being conveyed.  One way to do this is by paraphrasing the speaker’s ideas.  In other words, take your time to repeat what you think the speaker has said.  Attempt to be non-judgemental and objective when looking at the speaker’s point of view.  If for example, I had taken the time to stop and listen, I would have been able to understand in my own words that the janitor was trying to help me from making a total arse out of myself. 

By asking for clarity and rephrasing what you think is the speaker’s message, we gain clarity and understanding.  In a professional atmosphere, you may be able to provide more clear and efficient directions for tasks asked of your superior. When asking for clarity as a listener, we are practising our goal of being an actively involved listener.

Share your experiences of how paraphrasing someone’s message increased your understanding of what they were trying to say.  Comment below and let me know.     

I got a laugh out of this YouTube video on the importance of communicating properly by Karyn Buxman, hope you enjoy it as well.
 

CAPITALIZE ON LAG TIME

Do you remember those awkward silent moments while you are having a conversation with someone?  There is a name for that pause, it is called lag time.  As a listener, we listen to the speaker until they stop speaking but even when they stop or pause, we should still be focusing on what they have just said.  When we stay on point with our thoughts and not allow our minds to wander off to another topic we keep our heads in the game and mentally prioritize in our own words what we thought the message was. 

One trick to keeping yourself focused, is to determine their point and while the speaker is thinking of their next point, you also think of what their next point may be.  Let’s go back to my experience from high school and apply the capitalizing on lag time concept. If I had engaged in a conversation and hypothetically the janitor and I started making small talk, if he paused to think of his next point in the conversation, I would be doing the same.  I would be trying really hard to ignore the rumbling in my tummy and if say we were talking about safety in the school environment, I would be thinking of what else he would want to say to me on that topic and start mentally prioritizing what possible points he could bring up.  I believe the phrase “using your time wisely” is strongly applicable to this key in building powerful listening skills.  Don’t you agree?  Share your thoughts in the comment section below.  

The video below titled How to Avoid Awkward Silence from YouTuber SocialPro, gives great tips on how to keep the conversation going by initiating small talk and then carrying on with an actual conversation.  Its very informative.  Check it out:

 

TAKE SELECTIVE NOTES

The last key to building powerful listening skills is easy to remember because it involves you writing everything down.  Making mental notes are all good and handy however, it you don’t transfer the information you have just retained onto either a memory device or to paper, it can be very easy for you to forget what the main points were in the conversation.  As a listener, we need to understand what we are writing and ask ourselves whether or not we have got the facts right.  This is important, because the next time you refer back to your notes, you will be able to refresh your memory. This key is essential in order to avoid misinterpreting the message of the speaker.  I hope all these keys help you in strengthening your communication skills on both a personal and professional front. 

I strongly encourage you to apply these key concepts to your everyday conversations and who knows what doors of opportunities these keys may open for you in your own lives. 

REFERENCES: :

 

 

Bing. (n.d.). Retrieved September 18, 2015.

        http://www.bing.com/images/searchq=listen+image&view=detailv2&qpvt=listen+image&id=479B3638513101C20182671E25FDF54E016A3975&selectedIndex=8&ccid=mrfPxNFA&simid=607991267618589094&thid=OIP.M9ab7cfc4d14032880dfd85902ffaf3d1H0&ajaxhist=0
 

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https://www.google.ca/searchq=controlling+the+listening+environment&biw=1821&bih=829&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0CAYQ_AUoAWoVChMIobK3aTByAIVhD8Ch1GNgIv&dpr=0.75#imgrc=DCXDFD9AYWKQEM3A-    

 

Distractions to road blocks for listening. (2010). Retrieved October 10, 2015.

http://www.directutor.com/content/distractions-roadblocks-listening

 

Effective Listening. (n.d.). Retrieved October 10, 2015.

http://www.wright.edu/~scott.williams/skills/listening.htm

 

Guffey, M. (2013). Business Communication: Process and product (5th ed.). United         States of  America: Nelson Education.

 

"Listening Facts You Never Knew." Listening Facts You Never Knew. N.p., n.d. Web.14           Oct. 2015.

      http://www.prdaily.com/Main/Articles/Listening_facts_you_never_knew_14645.aspx

 

Listening Skills: How to Improve Listening Skills – Developing Listening Skills. (2009). Retrieved October 8, 2015.

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